Luminiferous Ether: War on Christianity

The ignorance of some people sometimes just makes me want to hit my head against a brick wall. Like this story:

CRESAPTOWN, Md. (Map, News) - You've heard of kosher salt? Now there's a Christian variety.
Retired barber Joe Godlewski says he was inspired by television chefs who repeatedly recommended kosher salt in recipes.
"I said, 'What the heck's the matter with Christian salt?'" Godlewski said, sipping a beer in the living room of his home in unincorporated Cresaptown, a western Maryland mountain community.
By next week, his trademarked Blessed Christians Salt will be available at http://www.memphi.net, the Web site of Memphis, Tenn.-based seasonings manufacturer Ingredients Corporation of America. (Read the rest of it and weep.)

Can you say, "Missing the point?" (Saw this at Boing Boing, one of my favorite diversions on the internets.)

Turns out, Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein's Secret Santa was really a Scrooge! At great expense to myself and my family ("Sorry, Cinderbelle and Sparkly Seacow, no presents this year ...") I jetted to the undisclosed location where the scoundrel resides, and roughed him/her up a bit -- all in a very Quakerly fashion, of course. As a result, I can now post this:

Dr. Monkey, you and Sparky had better pack your bags, because in a few days you will be flying off to winter wonderland Madison, Wisconsin, childhood home of Tracy Nelson, Steve Miller, Georgia O'Keefe, Bradley Whitford, and so many more! Yes, on Friday, January 4th the two of you will fly directly to the Dane County Regional Airport. You will be picked up by Madison's own Union Cab and taken directly to the historic Nick's Restaurant on State Street for dinner with Nation writer and Madison resident John Nichols. (My friend Beth really truly once saw Robin Williams dining all alone in Nick's. He was going to be performing in the theater across the street.)

After dinner, it's off to your hotel, the Ruby Marie. (Chosen for you because, prior to its current incarnation as a sumptuous hotel, it was one of Madison's preeminent flophouses, the Wilson Hotel. It was even featured in a made-for-t.v. movie starring Scott Baio in the seventies; his character lived there with his alcoholic dad.) You'll be able to snuggle into your comfy bed with sheets provided just for you! And you can take them with you when you leave ... legally!

For your bedtime reading, here is your very own copy of Love At Goon Park, the book that chronicles psychologist Harry Harlow's pivotal and controversial maternal deprivation studies, conducted right here on the University of Wisconsin campus.

But don't stay up too late reading. On Saturday, the two of you will be up early to be v.i.p. guests at the recording of The Motor Primitive's newest album! You and Sparky will watch history in the making, while you hobnob with the "fab four". You'll have meals catered in from (your choice) Lulu's (Lebanese,) Inca Heritage (Peruvian,) or Atlantis Taverna (Greek.) After recording, you, Sparky, and the band will kick back at the Harmony Bar, before heading back to your hotel for a few hours of shut-eye. Oh yeah, and I've arranged for Aaron Yonda and Matt Sloan, creators of the runaway internet hit Chad Vader, to meet you there.

On Sunday, the taxi will pick you up for a whirlwind tour of the area's finest tourist sites, beginning with a stop at the bench overlooking the spot in Lake Monona whereOtis Redding's plane went down on a cold December night 40 years ago. You will also visit Sterling Hall, the campus building which housed the Army Math Research Center and was blown up by 4 campus radicals in 1970 in protest of the American War in Vietnam. (One of the bombers, Leo Burt, was never apprehended.) It may be sub-zero. but that won't stop you from going to the Library Mall to get smoothies from the Loose Juice cart, owned by Karl Armstrong, another of the Sterling Hall bombers. If you're still hungry, you can walk up State Street for bratwurst -- a Wisconsin specialty -- at the Brat Und Brau, scene of last summer's infamous "monkey biting" crime. A stop at ... Cress Funeral Home? No, it is the Squirrel Museum! A place not to be missed.

Then it is off to tour Taliesin, Frank Lloyd Wright's architectural school in nearby Spring Green. Back to Madison for a quick stop at the Wright-designed First Unitarian Church (and site of the 1987 wedding of bloggers Luminiferous Ether and Enriched Geranium.)

Uh-oh. Don't want to miss your flight home. Quickly stop by Hotel Ruby Marie to pick up your luggage (and your freshly laundered sheets) before you go to the airport to board your flight for sweet, sunny Tennessee. Here is a cornucopia of fine gifts: beer from the New Glarus brewery, Cedar Grove cheese (RBgh-free,) Door County cherries, and that most special Wisconsin treat, Cow Pies. (And don't worry about tipping the cab driver. It's all taken care of.)