Life …

When you are a new parent and holding that sweet, beautiful child for the first time, that's all there is … and that's a good thing, a wonderful thing. But you are not prepared for the many small heartbreaks that come later: the hurt feelings, the pulling away, the arguments, the first time leaving home, and now, witnessing my beautiful daughter's heartbreak. I want to protect her from everything, just like I did when she was a baby, and I know that I can't, and furthermore, that I shouldn't. All I can do is all we really have the power to do ever, which is to love her.

Memorium

When I said "a world full of tragic news" I was thinking globally/nationally. I just found out that my former principal took his life yesterday. I am sick at heart. I worked with him for only one year but he restored my faith in teaching, in leadership, after a few years at the hands of an insane and vindictive principal. He resigned after just one year, saying that he couldn't be the kind of educator he wanted to be in the top-down, mandates-driven climate of our school district. I know that many people were angry at him for that. I was sad when he resigned, but I understood. When I talked to him privately later he told me he knew that I, more than anyone else, would get it.

I do not believe that there is ever a situation in which taking one's life is a solution. My heart goes out to him, for the pain he must have been in, as well as to his wife and children. Dan, I hope you have found peace.

Georgia's Passing

The vet called me at 8 a.m. to tell me that Georgia had died early this morning. As I write this it is snowing outside, appropriate weather to accompany Georgia on her next journey. She loved snow more than any other dog I've known.

With pets it is so hard to know when to let them go. For the last year and a half, Georgia had chronic corneal ulcers that wouldn't heal, diabetes, diabetes-related blindness, and (we think) Cushing's disease. After treating our previous corgi for lymphoma, I was determined that quality of life would be the bottom line for decisions we made about Georgia. And though her energy was diminished, Georgia remained sweet-tempered and seemingly in good spirits through this past Tuesday when she became ill with a G.I. bug.

We hoped that getting IV fluids would put her back on her stocky little feet again, but it became clear pretty quickly that it was time. I went to bed last night thinking that we'd have her euthanized today.

We went to see her at the vet's yesterday, and though she was so sick, she roused herself and came out to see my younger daughter. Georgia and Grace were pups together; we got Georgia when Grace was one. The vet told me that she thought Georgia relaxed after we had been there, so I hope we eased her passage.

Camping at Rock Island next summer will not be the same without her.

Georgia was like a canine Buddha. I'm going to miss her a lot. I'm going to miss that corgi energy in my life.

Happy trails, sweet Georgia!

Plan that dinner date ...

... because you never know when your friends are going to up and move to New Zealand. You think it's hard to get together when they're a mile away? Try a different hemisphere! Happy trails, Susanne, Dean, Ryan and Skye. We're going to miss you.

A Passing

Yesterday evening my father-in-law, Bill Feeny, died. He was 77 years old. He was an artist, a cartoonist, a teacher, a writer, a pilot, a model airplane enthusiast, and a hell of a nice guy. He had lived with a chronic form of leukemia for the past 6 years, which appeared to have become more active and aggressive in recent weeks. He was in the hospital for a week before they figured out what was going on, went into hospice on Wednesday, and failed very quickly after that.

My mother-in-law has frequently commented that he would not have survived so long in his state of illness, if not for his "strong heart." To me, that's a perfect metaphor for him. Bill was all heart, as loving a person as you would ever meet. We often joked about how sentimental he was. He was, by all accounts, a great dad and, I can say firsthand, a wonderful grandpa. In recent years he was plagued by chronic pain and weakness, that made him withdraw into himself, which was very sad.

But he always kept abreast of what was happening in the world -- and he didn't like it one bit. He had a moral compass that pointed true North when it came to matters of peace and social justice, and he was a frequent writer of letters to the editor in our local newspapers (and once in the National Geographic.) There was one memorable day sometime in the past year, when the newspaper published one of his letters and one of mine on the same day. (That was a little embarrassing; the icing on the cake would have been if they had also published one from my extremely right-wing uncle at the same time.)

All week he had been asking for a margarita. Last night, on the way to visit him in Hospice, my husband stopped at a liquor store and bought a bottled margarita. He swabbed it onto his dad's lips and gums, and his dad seemed to respond with pleasure. He opened his eyes and looked at my mother-in-law. She told him it was okay to go, that Sophie [our deceased daughter] was waiting to play with him. And he closed his eyes and died.

Nobody wanted to live more than he did. I'm glad he went peacefully at the end.

I want to put in a word here for Hospice Care. We have a facility in our city which I had never been to before. It is an incredible place. It seems that everything is done to ensure the residents' and their families' comfort and ease during a difficult time. So ... support your local Hospice organization!

Turn around and they're tiny. Turn around and they're grown.

This baby just left for college 12 hours away from home.
I made some last ditch efforts to get her to stay and be my baby again. I told her she could have all the Barbies she wanted and the pink convertible, but the siren song of independence calls. I also told her younger sister that she doesn't ever have to leave home. She can move into the basement until she's 45. She rolled her eyes and said "Mom, you wouldn't want me living in your basement." They'll understand if and when they're parents.

So if you're one of those people who lurks around my blog, please leave me a comment. I'm kind of sad right now and I need some TLC. Thanks.

Pomp and Circumstance 2

I am a very proud mama.

And ... I spent most of yesterday crying.

In fact ... I'm crying right now as I write this.

My mind and my heart are still in toddlerhood; the last 18 years have gone by so fast! And yet ... every one of those 380+ graduating seniors looked elated, their feet barely touching the ground. It was a pretty cool moment when they all threw their caps into the air.

Sigh. This was a week of passages. I've been on emotional overload!