My Life As A Dog ...

... or Stop Me, Before I Volunteer Again!

My school held its annual Scholastic Book Fair this week. Tonight was family night at the book fair. I love my school, so I always try to volunteer to help out with events. What was needed tonight was someone to dress up in a Clifford the Big Red Dog costume and walk around, entertaining children and thus inspiring parents to buy more books.

I'll just say that I am not a fan of Clifford the Big Red Dog. He's right down there with The Berenstain Bears on my children's book-o-meter. But it was actually a blast to dress up in such a way that no one recognized me. I got lots of hugs. Middle school-aged siblings were embarrassed by me. One kindergartner, whom I know quite well, took a shine to me and sat me down to read me a book, all the while barking out commands: "Sit!" "Sit criss cross apple sauce!" (I haven't tried that one out on my own dog yet.) "Stand up!" Shake!" And a younger sibling of a former student, who always looks at me like I am crazy and in possession of a chain saw, followed me around giving me hugs.

I made a toddler cry in terror. That made me feel bad, because my own kids hate-hate-hated those characters. I kept trying to avoid this little kid, but the space was small, and even though I was thinking, "Be inconspicuous!" and shrinking down inside of the suit, there is no way that a 5'1'' bright red dog can be inconspicuous. I tucked my tail between my legs and slunk off, ashamed.

A couple of the parents knew it was me, and I cannot imagine how. It wasn't as if I was saying anything. They probably knew that no one -- absolutely no one -- but me would do something like that.

After an hour, I was sweltering and I had a persistent itch on my nose -- my real nose -- that I had to scratch, so I ducked into a nearby classroom to turn back into mild mannered kindergarten teacher, Ms. Ether.